{"id":629,"date":"2010-06-18T15:39:11","date_gmt":"2010-06-18T15:39:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.cocktailians.com\/2010\/06\/terrible-terrible-hopefully-fictional-drinks.html"},"modified":"2010-06-18T15:39:11","modified_gmt":"2010-06-18T15:39:11","slug":"terrible-terrible-hopefully-fictional-drinks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cocktailians.com\/?p=629","title":{"rendered":"Terrible, Terrible (Hopefully Fictional) Drinks"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>My favorite super-secret Internet cult site recently had a thread in which users posted their recipes for horrific-sounding drinks. (Reminiscent of <a href=\"http:\/\/defectiveyeti.com\/2002\/07\/11\/unpopular-mixed-drinks\/\">Defective Yeti&#39;s marvelous post on &quot;Unpopular Mixed Drinks&quot;<\/a> a little while ago.) A selection follows:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ginbeerbon<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>One shot of gin and one shot of bourbon in a pint glass with an open bottle of beer inverted into it.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Robitini<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Robitussin DM, gin<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Sweet Clam of the Damned<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Clamato&#0160; + absinthe + Cr\u00e8me de menthe + dash of pineapple juice, served with a razor for taking the easy way out.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Sleepy Cow<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Equal parts NyQuil and heavy cream served in an old-fashioned glass<br \/>\nwith a stick of string cheese for a stirrer.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>The Brownout<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Shake 2 oz. agave tequila and 8 oz. Yoo-Hoo with ice, add a half<br \/>\njigger of soy sauce, and a half jigger of vanilla extract. Serve in<br \/>\na bread bowl garnished with a shower shoe.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Scotland<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>melted stick of butter + tobacco chaw juice + 2 day old whiskey.<br \/>\nserved in a sheep<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Kids at the Pool<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Snickers bar in a glass of gin, microwaved on High for 2 minutes\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Throat Punch<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>In a blender combine 3 parts pure grain alcohol with the seeds of<br \/>\nsix hot peppers. Strain into a highball filled with crushed dry ice<br \/>\nand hearing aid batteries.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>The Clapper<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Place a steamed clam in the bottom of a highball glass. Fill with<br \/>\nequal parts port wine and Cream of Wheat.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>How Can She Slap?!<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>vodka in a cocktail glass with a lemon twist, served with a slap from vermouth-covered hand of a female bartender.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>The American Brew<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Take one bottle of fine Belgian\/Australia\/German beer, pour into a<br \/>\npint glass, drink. Wait 15 minutes, take pint glass to bathroom,<br \/>\nurinate into pint glass and serve.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>The Soapy Hobo Sock<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>1 part fish sauce, 1 part cilantro, 1 part fortified wine. Garnish with durian slice.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>The Roto-Rooter<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n1 oz. Chambord<\/li>\n<li>2 oz. Drano<\/li>\n<li>7 live bullet ants<\/li>\n<li>Mix Drano and Chambord in a cocktail shaker, shake with ice, pour<br \/>\ninto double shot glass and drink. Throw the bullet ants into your<br \/>\nmouth to distract you as the shot clears your insides.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>The Cleveland Steamer<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>2 oz. fresh water from Lake Erie, 1.5 oz. HP Brown Sauce, generous float of Bacardi 151. <\/li>\n<li>Serve over dry ice, light on fire.\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>The Churchill<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>2 parts blood, 1 part tears, 1 part sweat.&#0160;<\/li>\n<li>Mix in Homburg,<br \/>\ngarnish with toil. Drink until drunk but be sober in the morning.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Evan&#39;s + Cake<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>1 part Evan Williams<\/li>\n<li>1 part cupcake<\/li>\n<li>2 parts puking in the sink because you&#39;ve poured whiskey on a<br \/>\nchocolate cupcake and you were already quite plowed to begin with.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Probable Cause in the Desert<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>1 part Creme de Caramel<\/li>\n<li>1 part Kahlua<\/li>\n<li>1 part Tequila<\/li>\n<li>Serve in an opaque glass. To be eyed suspiciously and then pulled<br \/>\nover across the bar.\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If you ever make or drink any of these, let me &#8212; actually, no. <em>Don&#39;t<\/em> let me know. I prefer to not picture the results.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My favorite super-secret Internet cult site recently had a thread in which users posted their recipes for horrific-sounding drinks. (Reminiscent of Defective Yeti&#39;s marvelous post on &quot;Unpopular Mixed Drinks&quot; a little while ago.) A selection follows: Ginbeerbon One shot of gin and one shot of bourbon in a pint glass with an open bottle of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-629","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-seen-elsewhere"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cocktailians.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/629","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cocktailians.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cocktailians.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cocktailians.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cocktailians.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=629"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cocktailians.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/629\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cocktailians.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=629"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cocktailians.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=629"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cocktailians.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=629"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}