Terrible, Terrible (Hopefully Fictional) Drinks

My favorite super-secret Internet cult site recently had a thread in which users posted their recipes for horrific-sounding drinks. (Reminiscent of Defective Yeti's marvelous post on "Unpopular Mixed Drinks" a little while ago.) A selection follows:

Ginbeerbon

• One shot of gin and one shot of bourbon in a pint glass with an open bottle of beer inverted into it.

Robitini

• Robitussin DM, gin

Sweet Clam of the Damned

• Clamato  + absinthe + Crème de menthe + dash of pineapple juice, served with a razor for taking the easy way out.

Sleepy Cow

• Equal parts NyQuil and heavy cream served in an old-fashioned glass
  with a stick of string cheese for a stirrer.

The Brownout

• Shake 2 oz. agave tequila and 8 oz. Yoo-Hoo with ice, add a half
  jigger of soy sauce, and a half jigger of vanilla extract. Serve in
  a bread bowl garnished with a shower shoe.

Scotland

• melted stick of butter + tobacco chaw juice + 2 day old whiskey.
  served in a sheep

Kids at the Pool

• Snickers bar in a glass of gin, microwaved on High for 2 minutes

Throat Punch

• In a blender combine 3 parts pure grain alcohol with the seeds of
  six hot peppers. Strain into a highball filled with crushed dry ice
  and hearing aid batteries.

The Clapper

• Place a steamed clam in the bottom of a highball glass. Fill with
  equal parts port wine and Cream of Wheat.

How Can She Slap?!

• vodka in a cocktail glass with a lemon twist, served with a slap from vermouth-covered hand of a female bartender.

The American Brew

• Take one bottle of fine Belgian/Australia/German beer, pour into a
  pint glass, drink. Wait 15 minutes, take pint glass to bathroom,
  urinate into pint glass and serve.

The Soapy Hobo Sock

• 1 part fish sauce, 1 part cilantro, 1 part fortified wine. Garnish with durian slice.

The Roto-Rooter

• 1 oz. Chambord
• 2 oz. Drano
• 7 live bullet ants
• Mix Drano and Chambord in a cocktail shaker, shake with ice, pour
  into double shot glass and drink. Throw the bullet ants into your
  mouth to distract you as the shot clears your insides.

The Cleveland Steamer

• 2 oz. fresh water from Lake Erie, 1.5 oz. HP Brown Sauce, generous float of Bacardi 151.
• Serve over dry ice, light on fire.

The Churchill

• 2 parts blood, 1 part tears, 1 part sweat. 
• Mix in Homburg,
  garnish with toil. Drink until drunk but be sober in the morning.

Evan's + Cake

• 1 part Evan Williams
• 1 part cupcake
• 2 parts puking in the sink because you've poured whiskey on a
  chocolate cupcake and you were already quite plowed to begin with.

Probable Cause in the Desert

• 1 part Creme de Caramel
• 1 part Kahlua
• 1 part Tequila
• Serve in an opaque glass. To be eyed suspiciously and then pulled
  over across the bar.

If you ever make or drink any of these, let me — actually, no. Don't let me know. I prefer to not picture the results.